The Demartini Method

I help brilliant women and men move from stuck or overwhelmed to motivated and balanced and

If the past 18 months has left you feeling stuck or overwhelmed you are not alone. I can help you get to the core of those perceptions to find balance.

I wanted to do an introductory email about the Demartini Method and how using it could support you and those you know . The Demartini Method has been developed by Dr John Demartini over the past 40 years and uses principles from a number of disciplines including but not limited to philosophy, physics, psychology and physiology.

It can support you in balancing your perception of a person, a situation or a memory and also help with a perceived loss or gain of something or someone.

Before you can use the method effectively you need to know your values. What do you value? Every decision you make is filtered through your values.

I’m not talking about undefinable values like freedom or travel or societal values like honesty, integrity or justice. Values in this case are those things that your life demonstrates as being true.  There’s a values determination process you can complete online that will give you your answers in about 15 minutes, the only cost is your time. 

https://drdemartini.com/values/

My top 3 values are my children, online business, and personal development.

My life clearly demonstrates these things as I spend the majority of my time looking after my children and when I’m not doing that (or the periphery tasks associated with that) I use my time to learn about online business and the ways in which I can support others through an online business.

 I have trained as an EFT practitioner (Emotional Freedom Technique) and as a Demartini Method Facilitator. I’ve also learnt how to write website copy, create a website, create a logo, mailing lists etc.

I’m also interested in understanding myself and why I might behave in certain ways or how I can balance my own perception of past and present events.

The majority of the books I read, podcasts I listen to and people I follow on social media are related to these 3 areas of my life.

The past 2 years has forced all of us to reconsider what we value most and how our lives can best reflect what is truly important to us.

Vast numbers of people have been looking to move to the countryside. Others have realised that a more flexible work from home schedule allows them to have a better work life balance. There is real value in understanding what your values are and how

If there are any areas of your life where you feel you might benefit from support please do get in touch or if there’s anyone you know who you think may benefit then please forward this email to them.

How to Tap

How to Tap

Now you know what Tapping is, its time to learn how to do it.

We tap on acupressure points on the head and body using our fingertips. Don’t worry about not being in exactly the right place. It’s like hitting a needle with a hammer, so you’re not going to miss it.

 The tapping kinetically removes the block causing the negative emotion or limiting belief & gets the energy flowing. You’re changing the energy rather than removing it.

The Tapping Points

There are a number of places to tap, I start on the Karate Chop point and then work from the head down because I think that’s easier to remember. Tap each point 7-9 times but don’t get hung up on it.

KC - Karate Chop point (side of your hand)

TH - Top of the head

EB – Eyebrow

OE – Outside Eye

UE – Under Eye

UN – Under Nose

UL – Under Lip

CB – Collarbone spot

UA – Under Arm

IW – Inside Wrist

The Set up Statement

I touched on this point briefly in What’s the F in EFT but the set up statement is something you say about yourself that you truly believe. It doesn’t matter how mundane it seems.

The classic set up is:

Even though I have this (Insert fear/anxiety/limiting belief) I deeply and completely love and accept myself

You could amend this to any of the following

Even though I have this (Insert fear/anxiety/limiting belief)

·      at least I’m doing something about it

·      I’m a good person

·      I love and accept myself anyway

·      (anything about yourself you fully believe – even “I make a great Lasagne!”)

The Basic Recipe

Step 1: Start tapping on the Karate Chop point and tune into the feeling or belief that you want to release.

Step 2: Rate it out of 10 (0 – its not a problem, 10 – it’s a big problem)

Step 3: Starting on the KC point repeat the set up statement out loud and continue to tap through the points, repeating the phrase. Go round the points twice. Then take hold of your wrist, take a deep breath in and out. That’s one round.

Step 4: Check in with yourself and rate out of 10 where you feel it is now. Does the issue feel the same or different? If it feels different, how?

 It’s literally that simple.

Anything else?

I recommend having a little notebook that you keep just for your notes on tapping sessions. You write yourself a one line reminder phrase and rating at the start of the session and then again at the end. You’ll be able to track your progress on a particular issue.

As with all energy work it’s a good idea to keep hydrated, so make sure you drink plenty of water.

You may find that you feel tired after a session if you’ve worked on a big negative belief or issue. Its quite common to yawn during a session and its actually a good sign. You might not initially feel anything and that’s ok too.

Tapping on something universal like anxiety is not going to give you the same results as if you can tap on what is specifically causing you anxiety. If it’s more than one thing write a list and give each one a rating out of 10. Its up to you if you start with the lower numbers or the 10’s! Can you see themes?

You can use EFT on anything and everything, try it and see!

What's the F in EFT?

What’s the F in EFT?

You may never have heard of EFT also known as Tapping, in which case – you’re in the right place! Or you might have heard about it and then seen a video on YouTube and thought nope, no way, not for me!

Quite simply, Tapping is acupuncture for the emotions WITHOUT the needles.

The Basic Recipe EFT sequence involves you tapping on specific points of your body (meridian points) and at the same time saying out loud a reminder phrase.

It’s a combination of the ancient Chinese principles of acupressure and modern psychology.

 It looks a bit weird

There’s no getting away from the fact that it does look and feel a little strange to start off with but the more you do it the less self conscious you feel.

When I first heard about and tried EFT I really wanted to love it but I just couldn’t. I’m not sure if it was my British upbringing but there was something absolutely uncomfortable about saying the set up sentence and trying to remember where to tap at the same time.

But I have good news. You can start off by following along with one of my videos and saying  something about yourself that you feel totally comfortable with. Something you really believe about yourself no mater how mundane it might seem. My set up phrase for a long time was “Even though I have this (insert fear/anxiety/belief) I make a really great Lasagne”!

Fight Flight Freeze

We’ve all heard about the fight or flight response when we’re in a situation where we feel threatened. But what if you’re not able to do one of those things? What if the threat you feel in the modern world is one that you can’t quite explain or it’s caused by a stressful situation at home, school or at work.

There is another response - freeze, when the energy or adrenaline from a particular experience hasn’t been discharged like it would be if you had to fight or were able to run away.

When you’re constantly in an anxious state it’s because you are stuck in the freeze mode. When someone explained this to me – it made perfect sense.

What happens to those negative emotions? Anyone with anxiety will tell you that they just keep going round and round in your body, they’re never discharged. The more stressed you get the more emotions there are.

The beauty of Tapping is that it doesn’t just work for emotions its also used for physical pain and weight loss by identifying and addressing the emotions behind them.

The F is for Freedom

 The F in EFT stands for Freedom and that’s exactly what you can get from unhelpful, negative and trapped emotions and limiting beliefs.

Background

Dr Roger Callahan an American psychologist created Thought Field Therapy (TFT) in the early 80’s which he used in his practice to treat a client with a severe water phobia. Based around the ancient principles of Chinese Acupuncture but by tapping rather than using needles he discovered you could unblock energy imbalances in the body’s meridians.

Gary Craig an Engineer who had trained at Stanford University was interested in resolving emotional blocks to success as a personal performance coach and studied under Dr Callahan. He eventually refined his own version which he called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). By using focus, intention & tapping you can effectively turn off the charge that memories hold and release the associated emotions.

No amount of words really do this technique justice, the best way to experience its benefits are to FEEL it by actually doing it!

 Hop over to my How to Tap post to get the low down.

Changing Direction

Throughout our childhood we’re constantly asked what job we want to do when we grow up. We have to pick one thing we’re going to do from the time we finish school or university and that’s it until we retire. No-one asks what sort of person we want to become or what exciting experiences we’d love to have.

We don’t seem to have moved on from the mindset that once you get a job it’s yours for life, even though we all know that’s not the case anymore.

After a PR degree, a few years in PR and then over 5 years working as a Wedding and Event planner I thought if I was going to work for myself that it would have to be in one of those areas.

I knew I wanted to be my own boss but I had no idea how to go about it and I definitely didn’t have the right mindset. I had a complete fear of being visible, of voicing an opinion, of being different to everyone who didn’t work for themselves.

I decided I was going to set up as a Wedding planner focusing on how to help Brides be less stressed when planning their weddings. I didn’t realise at the time how much the focus for me was on the mindfulness and stress and anxiety reduction rather than the planning.

By this point I was on maternity leave and so I spent a lot of time when I wasn’t baby wrangling learning about online business. Up until then it had been a complete mystery to me. I enrolled in a few courses and started slowly putting a website together. At the same time I was working on my mindset. I was learning about limiting beliefs and how they can subconsciously hold you back from achieving your full potential.

My life had moved on, I wasn’t completely immersed in hotels, menu’s, seating plans & colour schemes. My life was more nappies, sleepless nights, baby groups and new mums.

It took me a while to realise that it wasn’t really the wedding planning that I was passionate about. It was on reducing stress and anxiety and identifying why they happen. On how to deal with and move on from limiting beliefs.

While pregnant with my second baby I had been learning EFT for myself 1:1 with a brilliant practitioner. It was only then that I felt comfortable with the fact that I wanted something different to what I’d been sold as my options when I was in school.

It’s ok to change direction whatever you’re doing, its OK to make a different choice.

From Learning to Doing

To say I’ve been inconsistent at blogging would be a little bit of an understatement!  As you’ll able to see from the dates on my previous posts.

I’ve always loved writing but there’s a big difference between writing a slightly (very) cringe-worthy diary between the ages of 11-18 or a travel diary as I did when I travelled around Australia in my 20’s to writing something that other people might read and therefore judge me on.

But this post is the start of my commitment to do it on a regular basis from now on.  In fact I have probably around 20 unfinished or unpublished posts on various different topics which I’m going to slowly dust off and put out.

When I wrote my first post I had a nearly 1 year old daughter and had recently made the decision not to go back to my j-o-b after maternity leave. Today I have a 4 year old and a 20 month old.

When I haven’t been looking after them or doing ‘all the things’ in the house and scraping porridge off the floor or the wall or the front/back/hands/pajamas of the baby I’ve spent almost all of my other time learning about online business.

Learning how to write in a more relaxed way rather than the stiff and formal way you’re taught at school, learning about websites, learning how to get over my anxiety in all its various forms. Learning about blocks, whether they’re money, visibility or success related.

I’ve also learnt about EFT Tapping during an intense 3 days back in March of this year with Karl Dawson, one of the original EFT Masters and the creator of Matrix Re-imprinting. 

Since then I’ve worked with over 30 people, building my skill level and understanding of what this brilliant tool can do for people stuck in a loop on a particular issue or in a fog from a memory that they cant see their way out of.

Although I’m committed to being a lifelong learner, now is the time for doing. And so now I’m off to do. If you’re reading this then I look forward to sharing more what I’ve learnt so that you can be do-er too!

The Silent Creeper

The thing I've found with anxiety is that it's a bit of a silent creeper. Slowly and quietly, little by little it sneaks up on you until you are in its grasp!  

It might start out masquerading as the usual butterflies or nerves that everyone experiences naturally as they go about their life. Feelings are there to alert us to situations, good, boring and potential threats. But when you start getting a fight or flight response in a work or personal setting or constant strange thoughts then things are definitely not what they should be.

They're supposed to help us, not control us and definitely not dictate the way we live on a daily basis. 

Learning how to control my feelings (without making out like I'm a robot) has been a total game changer for me in how I can manage my anxious feelings. 

For a really loooong time I didn't have any feelings other than anxiety. It took quite a whie before it dawned on me that I was feeling a bit numb but once I had realised, I was quite distressed by it.

It took probably 2 and a half years and the birth of my first daughter for things to start coming back. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to love the baby and it was only through pregnancy yoga classes where I was able to focus entirely on the baby and not on how I was feeling that I was able to get some return of other feelings. 

Waking up at 3am that first night in hospital with my hours old baby was thrilling when I could actually feel a surge of love for her. I think that's possibly why I felt like super woman after 40 hrs of labour and eventual assisted delivery! 

Something New- Anxiety & Me

Since having my first daughter in 2013 I’ve been equally interested and astonished at the number of new mums I’ve come across who seem to be battling some form of anxiety.

I don’t mean the understandable worries you have when you bring a tiny curled up bundle home. Thinking right, what do we do now? But the type of worrying that makes you feel, well, slightly crazy actually and continually in flight or fright mode.

I think I've always had some form of anxiety rolling around me since childhood. Its just that for a long time I didn’t know what it was.

Outwardly I think I came across as pretty confident and out going but certain situations would leave me with feelings of mild panic that got progressively worse. The more it happened the longer it took for the panic feeling to go when I was going to be in the situation again or a new situation. 

During a particularly stressful and difficult period, I got to the point where I couldnt stop the constant worrying and obsessive thoughts about random things, racing heart and inability to sleep. The lack of sleep obviously made everything worse.

The other thing I struggled with was getting the help to identify what was actually going on. I had a pretty good female GP although I had recently moved to the practice. She really listened and wasn’t judgemental although the options of help were limited to self referral talking therapies and the waiting list was around 4-6 months.

Although it was tight financially I decided to find someone who might be able to help. I tried a few different things like hypnotherapy and counselling but although it helped It wasn’t really addressing the specific issues I was dealing with on a daily basis.

When I then moved house again and was literally the wrong side of a road to be in their catchment I had to switch surgeries again and really struggled to find a doctor who didn’t think I was depressed (clearly I wasn’t exactly happy) but I knew that wasn’t what I had.

I’ve always been a problem solver and a reader. When I wanted to know ‘why’ about something have done as much research as I can. When I found Anxiety UK I knew that was I reading was describing me.

I feel fortunate really that my anxiety was there before I got pregnant because I was already doing what I could to manage it. I cannot imagine the utter despair that some new mums feel in having to deal with the on set of anxiety at the same time as all the usual physical and emotional side effects of giving birth. 

Can a Bridezilla be tamed?

It’s common for people to joke about the Bridezilla who sometimes appears in someone they know planning their wedding. This person is so narrowly focused on creating their idea of a perfect day that any rational thought of anything else goes out the window.

Sheena Bounsanga is a mindfulness coach, certified reflexologist and a reiki practitioner. Basically she’s a one stop zen shop! I spoke to her to find how out how this practice could be incorporated into planning your wedding.

Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment without judgment.  How often during your wedding planning process have you found yourself freaking out about the little things or maybe even the number of things you need to do?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, there are lots of decisions to make! It’s impossible to make every decision at the same time, so it makes sense to break them down into areas. Focus on one thing at a time so you avoid overwhelm.

Stress train to Wedding central

You might be worried about whether you picked the right venue, dress, the list goes on. You’re wasting time and energy on what might happen.  And if a crisis occurs, on what has already happened. Neither of which you have any control over!

Stress and Overwhelm occur when our brains can’t catch up with how we’re feeling. When you are in either of those states the emotional storm takes over.

If you are being reactive to a situation rather than responsive you are more likely to be short or snarky in your responses. If you have a clear mind you can respond rather than react.

 With the right tools in place to help you when you hit a high stress situation you will be able to snap back and move towards a calm state more quickly.

How can I become a blissed out Bride?

Sheena’s tips are practical and designed to be easily incorporated into your daily life not based around hours of silent meditation or sitting on a cushion repeating an Om!

She recommends finding calm moments throughout your normal day to day routine so that when a ‘crisis’ situation occurs you will be in a much better place to return your body to it’s natural calm state because it wont be an alien experience.

If you think you don’t have time – you’re wrong!

If you have time to go up or downstairs, or sit at a red light then you can add this practice into your day and you will be equipped to be calmer rather than in fight or flight mode.

There are a few simple things you can do:

Take three big deep breaths, you don’t have to worry about inhaling or exhaling for any particular length of time. This will send a signal to your brain to relax

Anxiety is your body sending a message to your brain to prepare the fight or flight response because it believes you are in danger. Breathing is a natural approach to reduce these sensations.

Finger mantras – touch each of the tips of your fingers with your thumb as you repeat the 4 parts of the mantra: My favorite is the first one but you can add any other four word phrases that are specific to you:

Thumb to little finger – I

Thumb to ring finger – AM

Thumb to middle finger – O

Thumb to first finger – K

OR 

Be Here Right Now

I Am Just Fine

If you can do these when you are in a calm state then when a crisis hits and you use them, you will be able reduce your stress levels far more quickly.

See, I told you it was easy!

It’s all about Perspective – Life will throw you curve balls

But it’s how you deal with them that will determine the sort of experience you have. Life is what you make it.

During Sheena’s outdoor wedding ceremony loud punk music could be heard coming from a skate boarding competition taking place in a local park. They forgot the shoes and fairy wings they had purchased for their 18 month old flower girl and they also managed to forget the marriage license!

Any one of these situations could have been made into a huge drama and been allowed to have a negative impact on their day. Instead, they chose to joke that actually the punk music was the song of their first dance, which still makes them laugh when they hear it now. Their daughter wore a bright pair of sandals which still look cute in the pictures and then later in the evening when they got home they signed the license and everything was finally made official!

Sheena and her husband made a conscious decision to focus on the important part of the day for them, the love they felt for one and other and being present.

Like most things, if you do the work….

Doing this work is the same as doing a body fitness boot camp, you wouldn’t expect to attend one session and immediately reach your body goal. Its something that has to be developed over time.

If you can approach working out your mind in the same way then you can be mentally prepared as well as physically.

You will start to see results in a very short space time and it’s an easy life skill to master which you can still be using long after the ‘I Do’. 

For advice and tips on planning your perfect wedding without the stress and overwhelm please visit my website www.claireenston.com.  This is a Bridezilla free zone, however tiaras are positively encouraged !